Football Jokes

Two mates in a bar trying to decide what drinks to buy for their next round. One said to the other, why don’t we play a game to decide. The rules are thus:

If Beckham scores a goal, we will drink becks.
If Miller scores a goal, we well drink Miller’s.

The other mate said: “ that’s fine, but what happens if David Seaman takes a penalty kick?”


Have you heard about the new Arsenal Bra?
It has a lot of support but no cups.


What is Louis Suarez’s favourite food?
A sweaty football player’s neck.


St. Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when 40 Liverpool fans showed up. Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven’s door, St. Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the 10 most virtuous from the group.

A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, “They’re gone.”
“What? All of the Liverpool fans are gone?” asked God.

“No” replied Saint Peter “The Pearly Gates!”


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